ATC dialogues

[griffin]

Tja, finns säkert fler på temat... here we go anyway

ATC dialogues



British Airways flight asks for push back clearance from terminal.
Control Tower replies: 'And where is the world's most experienced
airline going today without filing a flight plan?'

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ATC: 'Alitalia 345 continue taxi holding position 26 South via Tango
check for workers along taxiway.'
Ali 345: 'Taxi 26 Left a via Tango. Workers checked - all are
working'

-----------------------

ARN851: 'Halifax Terminal, Nova 851 with you out of 13,000 for 10,000,
requesting runway 15.'
Halifax Terminal (female): 'Nova 851 Halifax, the last time I gave a
pilot what he wanted I was on penicillin for three weeks. Expect
runway 06.'
--------------------------

Lost student pilot: 'Unknown airport with Cessna 150 circling
overhead, identify yourself.'

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NY Ctr: 'Federal Express 235, descend, maintain three one zero, expect
lower in ten miles.'
FedEx 235: 'Okay, outta three five for three one oh, FedEx two
thirty-five.'
NY Ctr: 'Delta fahv twuntee, climb one ninah zeruh, dat'll be
finah...'
Delta 520: 'Uhh... up to one niner zero, Delta five twenty.'
NY Ctr: 'Al-italia wonna sixxa, you slowa to two-a-fifty, please.'
Alitalia 16: 'HEY! You makea funna Alitalia?!'
NY Ctr: 'Oh, no! I make-a! funna Delta anna FedEx!'

--------------------------

Tower: Have you got enough fuel or not?
Pilot: Yes.
Tower: Yes what??
Pilot: Yes, SIR

---------------------------

Contol: 'AF1733, You are on an eight mile final for 27R. You have a
UH-1 three miles ahead of you on final; reduce speed to 130 knots.'
Pilot: 'Rogo', Frankfurt. We're bringing this big bird back to
one-hundred and thirty knots fer ya.'
Cont: (a few moments later): 'AF33, helicopter traffic at 90 knots
now11/2 miles ahead of you; reduce speed further to 110 knots.'
Pilot: 'AF thirty-three reining this here bird back further to 110
knots'
Cont: 'AF33, you are three miles to touchdown, helicopter traffic now
1 mile ahead of you; reduce speed to 90 knots'
Pilot (a little miffed): 'Sir, do you know what the stall speed of
this here C-130 is?'
Cont: 'No, but if you ask your co-pilot, he can probably tell you.'

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ATC: 'Cessna G-ARER What are your intentions? '
Cessna: 'To get my Commercial Pilots Licence and Instrument Rating.'
ATC: 'I meant in the next five minutes not years.'

--------------------------

Controller: AF123, say call sign of your wingman.
Pilot: Uh... approach, we're a single ship.
Controller: oh, oh shit! You have traffic!

---------------------
O'Hare Approach: USA212, cleared ILS runway 32L approach, maintain 250
knots.
USA212: Roger approach, how long do you need me to maintain that
speed?
O'Hare Approach: All the way to the gate if you can.
USA212: Ah, OK, but you better warn ground control.

----------------------

ATC: Pan Am 1, descend to 3,000 ft on QNH 1019.
Pan AM 1: Could you give that to me in inches?
ATC: Pan Am 1, descend to 36,000 inches on QNH 1019

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Cessna 152: 'Flight Level Three Thousand, Seven Hundred'
Controller: 'Roger, contact Houston Space Center'

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Beech Baron: Uh, ATC, verify you want me to taxi in front of the 747.
ATC: Yeah, it's OK. He's not hungry.

-------------------------

Student Pilot: 'I'm lost; I'm over a big lake and heading toward the
big E.'
Controller: 'Make several 90 degree turns so I can identify you on
radar.'
(short pause)...
Controller: 'Okay then. That big lake is the Atlantic Ocean.
Suggest you turn to the big W immediately ..'

--------------------

Pilot: 'Approach, Acme Flt 202, with you at 12,000' and 40 DME.'
Approach: 'Acme 202, cross 30 DME at and maintain 8000'.'
Pilot: 'Approach, 202's unable that descent rate.'
Approach: 'What's the matter 202? Don't you have speed brakes?'
Pilot: 'Yup. But they're for my mistakes. Not yours.'

-----------------------------

Tower: '...and for your information, you were slightly to the left of
the centerline on that approach.'
Speedbird: 'That's correct; and, my First Officer was slightly to the
right'
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Controller: 'USA353 (sic) contact Cleveland Center 135.60. (pause)
Controller: 'USA353 contact Cleveland Center 135.60!' (pause)
Controller: 'USA353 you're just like my wife you never listen!'
Pilot: 'Center, this is USA553, maybe if you called her by the right
name you'd get a better response!'

--------------------

Pilot: 'Approach, Federated 303 with you at 8000' for vectors ILS,
full stop.
Approach: 'Unable Federated 303. The ILS is out of service.'
Pilot: 'We'll take the VOR then.'
Approach: 'Sir, the VOR's in alarm right now. Standby.'
Pilot: 'OK, guess it'll have to be the ADF then.'
Approach: '303, unable the ADF right now for traffic saturation.'
Pilot: 'OK, approach. State my intentions.'

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BB: 'Barnburner 123, Request 8300 feet.'
Bay Approach: 'Barnburner 123, say reason for requested altitude.'
BB: 'Because the last 2 times I've been at 8500, I've nearly been run
over by some bozo at 8500 feet going the wrong way!'
Bay: 'That's a good reason. 8300 approved.'

------------------------------

Controller: 'FAR1234 confirm your type of aircraft. Are you an Airbus
330 or 340?'
Pilot: 'A340 of course!'
Controller: 'Then would you mind switching on the two other engines
and give me 1000 feet per minute, please?'

--------------------------

Tower: 'Delta Zulu Romeo, turn right now and report your heading.'
Pilot: 'Wilco. 341, 342, 343, 344, 345...'

---------------------------------

München II Tower: 'LH 8610 cleared for take-off.'
Pilot (LH 8610): 'But we are not even landed.'
Tower: Yes, who is then standing at 26 south ? '
Pilot (LH 8801): 'LH 8801.'
Tower: 'OK, then you are cleared for take-off.'

--------------------------------
Tower: 'Aircraft on final, go around, there's an aircraft on the
runway!'
Pilot Trainee: 'Roger' (pilot continues approach)
Tower: 'Aircraft, I said GO AROUND!!!'!
Pilot Trainee: 'Roger'
The trainee doesn't react, lands the aircraft on the numbers, rolls to
a twin standing in the middle of the runway, goes around the twin and
continues to the taxiway.

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Controller: 'CRX600, are you on course to SUL?'
Pilot: 'More or less.'
Controller: 'So proceed a little bit more to SUL.'

----------------------------
Pilot: 'Good morning, Frankfurt ground, KLM 242 request start up and
push back, please.'
Tower: 'KLM 242 expect start up in two hours.'
Pilot: 'Please confirm: two hours delay?'
Tower: 'Affirmative.'
Pilot: 'In that case, cancel the good morning!'

-----------------------

[Horizon]

Student Pilot: 'I'm lost; I'm over a big lake and heading toward the
big E.'
Controller: 'Make several 90 degree turns so I can identify you on
radar.'
(short pause)...
Controller: 'Okay then. That big lake is the Atlantic Ocean.
Suggest you turn to the big W immediately ..'

[Rivvern_]

Haha! Många roliga där!